I'm not just picking a job. I'm defining myself-to some degree. I can't recall the last time I agonized so much about a single decision. Choosing residency was easier than this. The decisions for university and medical school didn't have much competition.
May 28th, 2008 I took a hike. It was a Wednesday. I had been on night float the night before. Had gotten off of work. Been to the dentist. I must have taken a nap at some time. And it was a gorgeous day, so I made a break for a trail. Just a chance to get out and get some fresh air, and maybe a fresh perspective. I stopped into a bagel shop, grabbed a bagel sandwich, popped into a liquor store and grabbed a cold beer, and hit the trail. I ended up sitting down on a rock in the middle of a small river, and watch as the water crashed over a waterfall hitting a pool below. And I just sat, enjoying the solitude contemplating.
Contemplating bigger issues.
Contemplating bigger issues.
Why did I go into medicine.
What did I want to do.
I made a list of the things I wanted to do:
-work with MSF
-work on Everest Base Camp for a season
-work in a rural hospital
-work in an inner city hospital
-complete a tropical medicine course
-volunteer with UNICEF
-have a faculty appointment somewhere
-work in Alaska over the summer
And there are a lot of things that aren't on that list, that have crept into my thoughts since then. I'm trying to juggle income, finding the job which will allow me to take care of kids and adults, the patient population I want to take care of, the ability to have time off to get back to Southern Africa/Central America/South America.
[Courtesy of White Snake]:
Here I Go Again
I don't know where I'm going
But, I sure know where I've been
Hanging on the promises
In songs of yesterday
An' I've made up my mind
I ain't wasting no more time
But, here I go again
Here I go again
Tho' I keep searching for an answer
I never seem to find what I'm looking for
Oh Lord, I pray
You give me strength to carry on
Cos I know what it means
To walk along the lonely street of dreams
An' here I go again on my own
Goin' down the only road I've ever known
Like a drifter I was born to walk alone
An' I've made up my mind
I ain't wasting no more time
I'm just another heart in need of rescue
Waiting on love's sweet charity
An' I'm gonna hold on
For the rest of my days
Cos I know what it means
To walk along the lonely street of dreams
An' here I go again on my own
Going down the only road I've ever known
Like a drifter I was born to walk alone
An' I've made up my mind
I ain't wasting no more time
But here I go again
Here I go again
Here I go again
Here I go again
Cos I know what it means
To walk along the lonely street of dreams
An' here I go again on my own
Going down the only road I've ever known
Like a drifter I was born to walk alone
An' I've made up my mind
I ain't wasting no more time
An' here I go again on my own
Going down the only road I've ever known
Like a drifter I was born to walk alone
Cos I know what it means
To walk along the lonely street of dreams
I don't know where I'm going
But, I sure know where I've been
Hanging on the promises
In songs of yesterday
An' I've made up my mind
I ain't wasting no more time
But, here I go again
Here I go again
Tho' I keep searching for an answer
I never seem to find what I'm looking for
Oh Lord, I pray
You give me strength to carry on
Cos I know what it means
To walk along the lonely street of dreams
An' here I go again on my own
Goin' down the only road I've ever known
Like a drifter I was born to walk alone
An' I've made up my mind
I ain't wasting no more time
I'm just another heart in need of rescue
Waiting on love's sweet charity
An' I'm gonna hold on
For the rest of my days
Cos I know what it means
To walk along the lonely street of dreams
An' here I go again on my own
Going down the only road I've ever known
Like a drifter I was born to walk alone
An' I've made up my mind
I ain't wasting no more time
But here I go again
Here I go again
Here I go again
Here I go again
Cos I know what it means
To walk along the lonely street of dreams
An' here I go again on my own
Going down the only road I've ever known
Like a drifter I was born to walk alone
An' I've made up my mind
I ain't wasting no more time
An' here I go again on my own
Going down the only road I've ever known
Like a drifter I was born to walk alone
Cos I know what it means
To walk along the lonely street of dreams
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